a guide to letting go
To everything I’ve ever lost: thank you for setting me free
Letting go is a constant practice. I feel like I am always learning new things about myself and about healing. Finding healthier strategies has been my main focus recently. I’m going to be explaining how to navigate through letting go, without being a disservice to yourself. Letting go can be such a beautiful thing, if done the right way. I will be sharing my experiences, as well as techniques I have been implementing into my daily life. I hope this reaches the right people, especially if you struggle with trust and letting go.
To note: I am mainly talking about people who continually treat you badly. It’s important to differentiate disrespect from life struggles. People can still have good intentions for you, but could be caught up with life or something like that. It’s the people who knowingly disregard your feelings and boundaries that dont deserve your presence.
I want you to know that no matter what your situation is like, you deserve only the best. By going back to people and situations where you have been wronged is such a disrespect to yourself. Think about it, what do you truly deserve? I hope that is happiness and abundance, because no one should be treated like they aren’t worthy of happiness or love. Wether it’s friends, relationships, family, jobs, ect, if you are not happy… why bother? Why waste your precious time on people who CHOOSE to betray you? You only get one life to live. Please don’t waste it on people who don’t deserve you.
Since a child, my idea of love has always been associated to pain and betrayal. To keep sane, I would have to let go of people and things that happened to me to the point of dissociation most of the time. It has been a tool to keep me sane in the most horrible times imaginable. But, it has also negatively impacted me when I’ve struggled to let go in the right way. Growing up i was never blessed with a sense of safety, and letting go of loved ones was very prominent in my life. Sometimes it would come in the form of a mental note. I would sit there and internally accept I would never receive the love I deserved. I knew this at a very young age. Although it’s unsettling, it’s how I was able to cope. I longed for their (healthy) love, but it was unattainable. So I did what I had to do. It took me years to accept what happened to me. I’m still trying to accept parts to this day. But the only thing that kept me going, was letting go.
Healthy relationship and boundaries with yourself will help you grow so much. Never let the absence of people control your emotions, because then that means they have more power over your emotions than you do and we can’t have that here love!! It’s very hard to do, but one of the most rewarding feelings because once you start setting boundaries, you feel unstoppable. I feel so resilient within myself that nothing and no one will ever come between what I have going on for myself. It is so freeing having an abundant mindset. It saved my life actually. I had a really harsh reality that even my own family betrayed me. My friends have betrayed me. My boyfriends/situationships have betrayed me. But with an abundant mindset I was able to see past the betrayal, and finally choose myself. With a lack mindset you might think “this is it for me” “I’ll never find friends/relationships like that again” “they are my family so I have to stay”. But with an abundant mindset there are endless possibilities. I notice I think things like “I don’t need to tolerate disrespect to feel less lonely” “there are so many people in this world to meet” “I will always find love, because love is abundant” “I will have my own family one day”. I swear my life has changed the second I looked at life a little differently. I heard something one time that went along the lines of “ once you get so uncomfortable with being stuck, you will have no choice but to change”. This stuck with me because my biggest challenges has been trying to get out of a constant victim mindset. I reached my all time low and became so uncomfortable with being stuck in this state that I started implementing habits to change my mindset and behaviors. The only person who can change you, is you! Loving yourself takes time, but if you are patient with yourself you will see so many benefits.
On the other hand, I have let go of people too intensely. Sometimes my own insecurities get in the way, and I project that onto others who had no intention to harm me. Developing discernment is so important for evaluating people’s intentions. Not everyone is out to get you. Sometimes people get caught up in their own lives, and don’t have the capacity to be open to people. Everyone handles life differently as well so It can be tricky trying to uncover if someone is being intentional or not, especially if you struggle with trust. My advice would be to evaluate the situation in detail. Have they done this before? Do you see a future in the situation/relationship? How badly did they hurt you? Make a pros and cons list if you have to! If you don’t see a future, you can either give closure in a healthy way, or you can leave peacefully. Personally, leaving peacefully gives the other person time to think about the situation. If they were a real person in your life then they will take the time to respond eventually. If not, then you left for the right reasons love (this applies to some situations; not all) Especially if you made an effort to resolve the situation in a peaceful way. I wouldn’t recommend blowing up on others, no matter how much they have hurt you. Sometimes it’s justified, but why waste your precious energy on the same person who hurt you? I used to explain myself in long paragraphs, trying to get people to understand how they hurt me. But the truth is people only see the world as far as they’ve met themselves, and sometimes it’s better to just let go.
If you are stuck thinking about what happened to you, it’s traumatizing yourself over and over. The only thing that’s “real” is the present moment. When you stray too far away from the present, the past/future overtake your mind, making it extremely difficult to let go. Something that really helped me was writing letters to people and situations I wanted to let go of. I would write everything I wanted to say to them. Sometimes I would rewrite these letters over and over again. Then I would rip up the letters and throw them away. This helped me to stop overthinking scenarios of interacting with them again. A lot of the time I overthink receiving apologies from people who have hurt me, and what I would say back to them. By doing this technique I was able to get all of my thoughts on paper, and then release them by tearing up the letters.
Also note : YOU CREATE YOUR OWN LITTLE FAMILY IN ANY WAY YOU DESIRE!!
You don’t need immediate family to feel at home. Friendships and relationships (and my little baby Olive) have opened my heart to experiencing family in different ways. It’s OK to not have an “ideal” or “normal” family. You can’t change what happened; but you can create the life you deserve by having an open heart to new experiences and people. I have felt more at home with people I became friends with, than my own blood family. You deserve to have a family that gives you real love and that makes you feel good about yourself :)
If you’ve read this far thank you so much!! In my next health post I will go over more techniques that have helped me reach this level of mental clarity. I love all of your commentary and appreciate any feedback!
With love,
Marley